“PAIN IS MY MICROPHONE” Part 2


3 years already! I still remember the day I heard the news of my mother’s death like it was yesterday. I guess time doesn’t heal all wounds. The day we laid her to rest I thought I would be laying my pain too rest too. This was far from the case as the pain continued to grow and grow and the realization that I would never see my mother again started to dawn on me. The plane journey back from Nigeria, where me and the rest of the family buried her, was dreadful and I just thought to myself my life, as I know it, is over. 3 years on, and I’m still here and able to slowly talk about my pain and share my experience with bereavement. I do not want to sugar-coat things because in my opinion when you lose someone it is something you can never get over.  Time does not heal, I find that the pain lessens as time goes on but it is very much still there.

Since as long as I can remember I have always struggled with low self-esteem and this was heightened when my mother died. 3 years ago, on this day, I didn’t know how I was going to get out of this emotional rut and feared that my life was going to spiral out of control. In spite of all this I realized that there are people that I can turn to and seek help from.

I have written in over 2 years so I am not even sure you’re making sense of all that I am saying or whether this whole article is coherent. But I just want to remind you that whatever you are going through, whether it’s a loss you’re trying to find peace with or some kind of pain that is hindering you from being your true self, just remember that what your mental state is the most  important thing so you must protect it at all costs!

Still thinking what I am talking about?  I told you it may not make sense lol, but to put it simply I just want you to know that losing a parent is painful and has the ability to kill you mentally. I would be lying if I said my mental state hasn’t been somewhat broken by all of this  but each day I am fighting to piece it back together, which isn’t going to happen overnight.  3 years ago today I was broken and felt damaged and I felt like my heart had sunk to the bottom of my feet. My pain is my microphone and ironically it has given me the courage to share my thoughts on such a life changing aspect of my life. The truth is I may never fully recover from this but today is always going to be a reminder that my mother has given me a new purpose and outlook that I never thought I would have and just pray, when the time is right, I can help others through my words and my experience.

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