Flight or Fight: Growing Through The Cracks

The way to get through life is to count your blessings but there are times  when you feel that there aren’t any to count. There are moments when you feel like your life is useless and you haven’t achieved anything that makes your life all a bit more meaningful. Have you ever felt like this? Well I know this has certainly been the case for me far too many times. There are days when I feel like I have nothing to be thankful or blessed about. Where is the blessing in losing loved ones? That’s right! There is no blessing in that-none whatsoever. Having these negative thoughts made me so bitter and pessimistic; to the point where I actually started  believing there was no hope left. “This isn’t the way to move forward”, I kept saying to myself once I came to the realisation that my emotions were getting the best of me. There is no way I can be negative and happy at the same time it’s one or the other, but certainly not both.

Granted, losing my parents was a painful and still is, however the experience was also a humbling experience. Their deaths changed my whole outlook on life; allowing me to truly realise what’s important: my friends, family, and my mental health. I have a tendency at times to ignore what’s going on in my head and keep telling myself that ‘I’m fine’. In actual truth I’m far from fine, I have my moments of sadness but I try not to let them consume me to the point they disturb my positive energy. Being positive isn’t about crying less or a guarantee there won’t be bad days, it’s more of a choice (emphasis on the word choice) to purposely grow through the cracks despite the hardship. I have personally made the choice to grow through my pain and be positive no matter how hard it is (and it will definitely be hard).

I see positivity as choice between fighting or flying. Both are a matter of acknowledging your negative emotions that has you torn on the inside.  When you choose to fly, you’re letting these feelings of pain and endless sadness consume you to the point where you don’t even attempt to address them. What you’re essentially doing is letting these feelings ‘fly away’, instead of fighting the good fight. Choosing to fight is simply about confronting these emotions and controlling them rather than letting them control you. It’s an active choice to find ways to positively overcome these negative thoughts.This is all easier said than done, because I’ve been through times where I’ve let my emotions ‘fly away’ or get the better of me. The feeling of defeat and loneliness  led me to think life was no longer worth living. I felt like a massive failure, I didn’t want to push through the cracks (hardship) or even be positive as I didn’t see the point. The pain felt so deep that I didn’t see any way of overcoming it. In these moments I felt like giving up on everything.

 

It isn’t always easy to fight and combat negative emotions but a part of me knew that fighting them (mentally) was the right thing to do. I’m trying to live positively and choose to not live in a perpetual state of mourning. I want to grow through the pain,the sadness, and the hardship.I can’t change or erase my experiences as much as they have affected me, but I choose to live implicitly without fear.

Jermaine Omoregie. 21.09.16

 

 

 

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“Pain Is My Microphone”

Dad is gone, Mum is gone,and Grandad is also gone. How many losses can one take until they reach breaking point? I ask myself this question all the time and wonder whether this is all a test from God. I’m convinced that it is, that is the only sane and somewhat logical explanation I can attribute to all this bereavement. I have been hit so hard with the death (consecutively) of my Mum and Dad that I can’t weep anymore for anyone else as there is only so much loss I can take.

‘I am doing fine’ is often the blanket response I deploy when people, who have heard what I’ve been through, ask me how I am or how I am coping with it all. There are days where I don’t feel like being expressive about my true feelings, so on those days that response just prevents me from engaging in a heart-to-heart conversation. I am not always like this, I just have my days when the pain just hits me harder so I don’t feel like talking to anyone. A lot of the time I’m told: “with time you will heal”. This is so generic and somewhat unnecessary at times. I almost hate hearing it now because it’s not true as I personally feel that you learn to adjust with time rather than heal. On the other hand some people say it because they don’t know what to say, which is understandable. I don’t lash out when people say this because it’s not easy trying to console someone who has been through ‘hell’ in such a short space of time.

There are days when my pain gets deeper, and days where I feel like it’s completely gone. I’m grateful for these days because it’s part of the grieving process. In a weird way I enjoy the pain because it urges me to use it for something positive. As, author and pastor, Levi Lusko put it: “Pain is my microphone”. I have been reading this book Through The Eyes Of A Lion,  which looks at how one man (Levi Lusko) deals with unexpected death of his (five year old) daughter, and the ways in which he uses the pain it brought to minister to the world and give encouragement.

I’m not a pastor nor am I trying to be, but I do feel that my pain can be used as a microphone to speak to those who are hurting, those who have nobody to turn to, and those who are suffering in silence. I want to grab this mic and speak loud, and just let it all out. It is easy to keep things in, but speaking about your deepest thoughts and telling the world about your pain is so hard. There have been times where I’ve felt like caging my feelings and shutting people out because loss of this magnitude is too much to bear.  I felt that telling people about my losses would make them feel sorry for me because it is so sad to lose your loved ones one after the other.

The past few months haven’t been easy and each day is a battle, but I have come to the realisation that I can’t control or stop God from taking loved ones away from me. I wish could so badly! The only thing I can do is control how I think and the energy I emit to the world. My pain will be constructive rather than destructive because I have this desire to use it to help others who have experienced my pain, or simply those who are suffering due to bad experiences which may not be from bereavement. I don’t know what lies ahead in the coming days,months or even years, but I’m trying to feed my mind with positive thoughts and believe that there is still hope for a brighter future amid all this darkness.

 

Jermaine Omoregie. 23.08.16.

 

Limitless

Hello Guys! I have had quite a hiatus, apologies for that , but I am back now and ready to share my thoughts and experience as per usual. So Here it goes…

How would you feel if a friend/relative told you that in the next 24 hours you have to go and deliver a speech – in a hall filled with thousands of people – for an hour about your life?

 You would be nervous wouldn’t you?

OR

Would you be overwhelmed at the magnitude of the task?

I know I would because it seems like such a big task and I wouldn’t exactly feel comfortable sharing my life story with someone I don’t know let alone thousands of people. Now lets make it a bit interesting here, lets say there was some kind of cash incentive involved in this task, like say  £5 million. You would jump at the chance right? Damn right I would! That’s a lot of money! It’s a no brainer!

A £5 million cash injection in your bank account could really improve your life, improve you physically, and so on. But can it guarantee eternal happiness? Now that’s the £5million dollar question. Money can give us options in life, but we shouldn’t require it to help us get out of OUR comfort zone.  I mean I could see why it is such a comfortable place … It is where you can be yourself, primarily it is a place that you like if not love. Me personally I love MY comfort  zone, I feel relaxed, I can be myself and I don’t have to do anything that will allow me to get out of it. Well this has changed because the COMFORT ZONE is a place where growth cannot happen. This year has been quite a handful for me , but one of the things I have discovered is that; I need to grow mentally, need to be confident in unfamiliar surroundings. It is about time that I remove this mask made up of fear and insecurity, that I have been wearing for so long. I have slowly started to tell myself that I can grow in my comfort zone.

Now more than ever I am eager to learn, be teachable and just help others , in all honesty I doubt I will achieve that by just adopting one approach , or at that an approach I am just comfortable with. I will have to meet people I have never met before, put myself in environments that I am not usually familiar with.  After a while and even at times now, I often doubt myself and question whether I can actually push myself beyond my limits.

As crazy as this may sound, one of my fears (well still is to a certain degree) is speaking to people I don’t know face to face. Due to this I always feel so nervous about job interviews , I always dread them! … I bring myself down thinking; what can they really see in me?, or what if they realise that I’m nervous? Two weeks ago I had a job interview for an Executive role at a really good media company. When I received the email inviting me to come to the office for an interview. I was so excited at first , then after a couple days I started to think the worst:

What if when I get there, they don’t like me?

What if I market myself in a bad way? 

Do they even find my CV interesting or are they just trying to fill the vacancy as quickly as they can?

I was so close to not even attending the interview because I was just so negative and lacked confidence and self-belief.

I bet you’re thinking how can one person have such low self-esteem and have such a low view about themselves. Believe me I hate myself for it, there is no reason why I cant be comfortable in my abilities and most importantly believe in myself. I have decided that I cannot continue to cripple myself with fear and enjoy the idea of being happy within MY comfort zone. I have learnt to have a positive mindset and just really do my best when it comes to job interviews and anything that set my eyes on. Understandably nervousness is commonplace when it comes to job interviews but it can be tackled by one simple thing: The mindset.

I have learnt a lot about myself over this year, One of the key things that I have grasped is that having the ‘right’ and a ‘positive’ mindset is so important in your life journey. Although I still find job interviews quite daunting and nerve racking, I do try and adopt a positive mindset about them. In the end I did go to the interview and gave it my all and ensured I looked that part too. It was tough being in that office for 3 hours, but at the end of it, I sure came out with a sense of pride and relief. I was proud of myself because I went in there and tried my best and most of all faced up to my fear.

What has this got to do with breaking out of the comfort zone? For me personally , it has a lot to do with breaking out of my comfort zone. For so long I was telling myself that I was content with my job; the workload wasn’t stressful, money was decent, I didn’t have to worry about a job interview because I had a job and most all I was comfortable. Earlier on this year I started to realise that I need to get out of this job as I didn’t feel that I was learning and I wasn’t surrounded by people who shared my values, vision and were like-minded. They were all comfortable at the job, so was I. But I knew that if I wanted to grow I had to leave. Which I did and I was so worried because I hadn’t secured a job nor saved a lot of money to help me get by. So I thought maybe it is silly of me to leave. Nevertheless I kept telling myself no matter what I have to leave.

Honestly I was so glad that I did leave, I felt more confident about myself and it really gave me a sense of belief that I am making necessary steps to break out of my comfort zone. I am currently looking for a job, but I am not looking frantically, as I know the right job offer will come along in the right time.

In this life we must always strive to learn and grow, it is good when you do things differently or learn something new. Breaking out of YOUR comfort zone is an amazing feeling and even more amazing when you accomplish the things you thought you couldn’t do. All you need to have is the right mindset and self-belief. I know it’s easier said than done and may be hard because you may be going through a difficult time. I can genuinely say to you that it is possible, this year my father passed away and I was stuck in a dead end job, self-belief wasn’t so easy to have. I was in a dark place and had zero confidence in myself. It took a few months but I realised what I needed to do in order to eradicate my negative thoughts. I started believing in myself more when it came to job interviews, started attending more social and networking events to interact with new people face-to-face and I have never felt better! I have a strong belief that I will make my father proud of the man I am today.

Getting out of your comfort zone is not something that will happen overnight, and it is not to say that you can’t enjoy the way your life is or even love your life. I would be wrong in saying that. I am merely trying to point out that we as individuals can like our lives but we must not stop striving for mental enrichment and knowledge. At times to achieve this it does mean we have to break out of our comfort zone, which is never bad. We must always remember that in doing so we have nothing to lose but much more to gain.

 

Time Is of The Essence

There Is No Time Like The Present

There Is No Time Like The Present

When you think about the concept of Time, what springs to mind? Some might say that it’s precious, equivalent to money, the list goes on. We all perceive time in different ways, but most of us can agree that it is precious. What we choose to focus our time on is extremely important as it can arguably affect our lives whether it’s good or bad

As noted earlier many will agree that our time is precious and how we use it is equally important. Have you ever had a moment where you buy something and afterwards you think to yourself; “Why did I waste my money on that”. We as individuals should have a similar attitude towards ‘Time’ . Your time is your time and it shouldn’t be wasted on anyone or anything that doesn’t benefit you. The last things you want to be saying to yourself is “I wish I had never …” or “If only I…” . Living with regret can be so painful and annoying at times because in hindsight you realise what you should have done and even how to do it, but sadly you will never get the chance to because you are unable to go back in time.

In that eventuality you may not be able to go back in time, but you can make a decision to start using your time in a way that will ensure you never have to be faced with such regrets ever again. ” Just as money should be spent wisely, so should ‘Time’ “ , spend your time on things that uplift and make you happy. If you feel that you are currently in a position where you aren’t using your time effectively, you don’t have to be so hard on yourself. Don’t go through life thinking that there is some sort of manual you have to follow, or a set date where you have to do things by. Never feel that time is running out (although it will run out eventually), but there is always time to change the course of your life and pursue happiness.

As I said feeling regret is normal, and yes it can be annoying, but the most important thing about regrets is that we can use it to control how we move forward from situations. Constantly worrying about what you should have done better in a situation is not going to help you tackle it. The only thing that will help you through it is what you are going to do better next time, in the event that it occurs again. Choose to spend your time in ways that benefits your life and on things that your future self will thank you for later on in your life. You may not be able to go back in time but you can always look ahead and take control of your time to fulfill your happiness. As the saying goes: “There is no point crying over spilt milk”, so spend less time worrying about your shortcomings and look ahead and think of all the possible ways you can live a great life with the time you have.

Life is a Beautiful Struggle

Trust your Journey

Trust your Journey

At times do you ever feel that you’re carrying the world on your shoulders? You want to achieve your set goals so badly, please your family, friends, prove doubters wrong, but then you realise that you’re placing too much pressure on yourself. Admittedly, this has been the case for me. I have had many days where I have felt so exhausted because I am worrying too much, trying to please family, friends and make them proud of me, just so they don’t think I’m a failure. But then I asked myself: “Why am I stressing myself like this?”, I could never really understand why, but I just felt like I needed to… “It’s All or Nothing”“Failure is not an Option”, those were the only justifiable answers I kept saying to myself over and over again in my head. Even so, failure should never be an option, but then I realised that I cant keep using that as an excuse to stress myself out and worry excessively.

It’s very easy to give yourself a million reasons as to why you need to achieve your desired goal, which is good as it can motivate you, but it can also be an hindrance, because you have giving yourself so much reasons why you need to succeed to the point where you feel that failure can never happen. Well it can happen and it isn’t a bad thing, in some respects failure is needed for personal growth.  So don’t be so hard on yourself,realise that there are going to be setbacks along the way and understand that it’s part of your journey. Most of all don’t feel you have to please everyone. Your Journey should only fulfill you, making sure others are happy along the way shouldn’t be a prerequisite, friends and family will support you regardless.

Learn to trust your journey and continue to work hard to achieve your goals and aspirations, nothing comes easy in this life, but having persistence and dedication will always make your journey worthwhile. You can never be a failure for trying, it just simply means that you’re working hard to achieve what you set out to do. Do not worry or stress just keep working hard and have faith in your abilities. Yes!, it’s easier said than done but when you really think about it worrying never does you any favours.

When you fight for your dreams, secondary voices in your head are gone.