Ideally (well most of us) we want a partner that makes us feel good about ourselves, someone who is there to encourage us and get us through our darkest hours. It’s a good feeling right? It sure is! But what if you’re with someone that mentally or even physically drains you? 

That is probably the worst feeling ever, when in a relationship! Nobody wants to take on that title of the nagging boyfriend/girlfriend , although (in my experience) you females tend to be the one that nag the most: ‘where were you babe?’ … ‘why didn’t you call/text me today’ .. the list goes on. Don’t feel offended as I said guys can nag too .. LOL. Nobody wants that headache, it’s not healthy and most of all it usually results in a break-up.

So tell me what is it that you look for in a prospective partner?

Good looks and charm?

A Kind and Loving nature?

Good dress sense?

Stability?

Dependancy?

Is it okay to want a girlfriend/boyfriend you can depend on, someone that can make you feel safe and secure? I think so, most people would want that and it seems perfectly normal. The only thing that I can’t get my head around is when a person is totally dependant on their partner, like for their well-being, as in they are practically living off that person.  Come on! How crazy is that , it’s almost embarrassing to tell you the truth. Financially you always need them , you aren’t physically disabled but you feel like you need them to look after you , need them to give you money, but you’re not unemployed

Don’t get me wrong it’s nice to be in a relationship where you feel that you can depend on your missus/mr emotionally, physically and even financially , but only when you need to be. You shouldn’t be relying on them all the time. I’m pretty sure Beyonce is not heavily dependant on Jay Z – as rich as he is! – to survive financially or even physically , she’s a global superstar … Need I Say More?

It’s okay to know that you can depend on your other half, but you shouldn’t become so attached to the point where you feel that your relationship is the ONLY thing that makes you feel happy. I am telling you now and speaking from experience, that journey can only end in disaster! The moment things go completely pear shaped you will probably be miserable,sulking all the time and have zero self-confidence.

At University, during my second year to be precise, I was that same miserable person that I have just described. I had met this girl, I liked her a lot and decided to pursue her, so long story short she became my girl. Things were going okay and I was so happy, I felt as though she completed me. Sadly things didn’t last as long as I expected, I felt so crushed and had such low-self esteem. You’re probably thinking this is normal when experiencing a break-up, which it is to a certain extent. However the reason I was so crushed is because I felt that I couldn’t be happy without her, I felt like she completed me. I was distraught, a mess and upset because I was solely dependant on her to make me happy. Happiness should come from within, as cheesy as that may sound, it’s true.

You can’t let one person solely take control of your happiness, you’re the only person that can take control of that. He/She can make you happy but you have to be happy with yourself as an individual first, whether it is through what you have achieved in your life, your career , your hobbies, whatever it is that keeps you happy. Just don’t let it be one person. Now let’s go all wildlife for a moment:

There are these creatures called Hirudineas, commonly known to us as Leeches, which are these slithering little buggers that often suck on blood as a form of survival, now if a leech cannot find a prey there is a big chance that it won’t be able to function properly. Leeches depend and attach themselves to their prey. They often stay attached until they are satisfied. Such creatures will find it very hard to survive on their own if they were unable to suck on their prey. Such a bad way to live isn’t it?

What I’m trying to say is…….

Don’t be a leech, don’t depend on someone for survival and especially for your happiness. At this point I probably sound cynical about relationships and the idea of love and happiness.  Sincerely, I am far from, I just don’t believe that it is good to solely rely on your partner to complete you , or be the missing part of your jigsaw. As I said that is a recipe for disaster! Instead you should feel a sense of connection with your partner, the relationship should have some deeper meaning. You both should be happy in the relationship, but he or she shouldn’t be the sole reason for that.

I had to learn this the hard way, during my relationship at the time, I was so insecure and ultimately I wasn’t happy with myself. I was happy in the relationship ,but throughout I depended on her to make me happy. The break-up was a reality check and a few months after the penny eventually dropped. I soon began to realise that in order for me to be truly happy in a relationship I need to be happy with myself and most of all take responsibility for my own happiness rather than putting someone else in charge of it.

As sad and  heartbroken as I was at the time, I honestly don’t regret the experience, in fact I am glad that I went through that because it taught me a very valuable lesson: Love yourself and be in control of your own happiness.

A Relationship shouldn’t be about attachment or excessive dependancy, there needs to be a healthy balance. Rather than feeling attached to your partner , you should feel connected. Connection is important it will help you grow together and give you this sense of power. When two people are connected you join forces, your worlds collide for the greater good. Most importantly you make each other happy, but essentially you aren’t each others sole source of happiness.

This mindset has worked for me and I have never been in better space (relationship wise) than I am now. In my current relationship my girl makes me happy , because she has accepted me for who I am, but most of all encouraged me to be confident and happy with myself. This is why I feel that I am in such a good space,  I feel connected and more confident with myself as a person. I have well and truly learnt from my past and have decided to be in control of my own happiness.